Rueful Recognition...

Mitchell and Webb are a bit hit-and-miss, but when they're on form, they're devastating.

From last night's That Mitchell and Webb Sound, on Radio 4 [24th May]:

RW - You a Spurs fan?
DM - Well, my family are. I’m not really into football.
RW - Spurs, eh? Well I’m going to let you off after what we did to you last week.
DM - I’m sorry?
RW - I’ll forget you’re a Spurs fan after what we did to you.
DM - What you did to me? You didn’t do anything to me.
RW - We were a man down, you fluked a penalty, but then we walloped you with 2 in extra time. That ninety-second minute, maate! You had it coming!
DM - Perhaps you’ve mistaken me for a professional goalkeeper or something. I wasn’t actually on the pitch, you know.
RW - We’re going to trolley you in the league!
DM - We? We? You weren’t on the pitch either. As far as I know, you were in the back bar of the Red Lion with Adrian and Mike, watching the game on the television.
RW - The way we’re playing, we’re going to be unstoppable this season.
DM - For god’s sake stop.
RW - Twelve points ahead with a game in hand. You don’t stand a chance. We’ve got it in us to go all the way.
DM - … Can I ask you something? Do you remember when we were chasing the Germans and we were punched through the windscreen and we were knocked under that lorry but climbed back onto it and beat the driver up?
RW - Wh-What?
DM - When we were chasing the Nazis? They’d stolen the Ark of the Covenant and we were trying to get it back?
RW - Erm – you’ve lost me.
DM - In Raiders of the Lost Ark? It’s a film I like, so I’ve decided that myself and anyone else who likes it was actually in it taking part.
RW - What?
DM - Do you like Raiders of the Lost Ark?
RW - Not particularly.
DM - Oh, you’re not one of us! Ah, well, at the end we’re tied to a stake in the ground and you lot open the Ark of the Covenant and the wrath of God comes out and melts – your – face.
RW - No, no, no you can’t do that.
DM - Yes I can, I really like that film. So I’m in it.
RW - That’s, that’s not the same.
DM - It’s exactly the same. I’ve as much claim to be personally involved in Raiders of the Lost Ark, as you’ve got to be in whatever it was your football team did last week.
RW - You don’t understand football, so . . .
DM - Well, I’ll admit, I can’t quite follow how you, a man who lives over 200 miles from the home ground of your chosen team, can claim some deep attachment to a bunch of over-paid hired hands from all four corners of the globe, who temporarily wear the same coloured shirt as you’re currently wearing.
But, maybe I’m a bit slow? It’s probably brain damage, from all that boxing I did, in Raging Bull…
RW - … Typical Spurs fan…